It’s Monday, and time for the unveiling of the card of the week! Intelligence! And yes, you did read it right, this blog is titled “Intelligence…with a side of dumb ass”. So, I consider myself to be fairly bright, with excellent emotional intelligence, and stellar common sense, except, ahem, those moments where it all seems to fly out the window. Thank God it doesn’t happen very often! And since I enjoy sharing my goofball moments with the world…here it goes. There was the time when I bought super glue to reattach the blind spot mirror to my side mirror on my old car. Well, it didn’t work, and I ended up with super glue down the side of the car…I was shopping for super glue remover, and just happened to come across blind spot mirrors…that cost 99 cents. So this whole ordeal cost me $20 something, a lot of elbow grease and frustration, and a story to tell. I never did get all the super glue off.
I signed up for a year commitment to become a yoga instructor, and had never taken a yoga class in my entire life. The first night I was heading to class, I was grilling my friends on the names of the poses because all I knew was downward dog. I remember sitting there thinking “What did I get myself into???” Five years later, I am loving my weekly yoga class that I teach. Learning the right way to do asanas (poses) right from the start was actually a stroke of brilliance (I can say that now-HA!) because I didn’t have to correct any bad habits.
I probably shouldn’t mention painting my house in bare feet this summer…up on an extension ladder. I thought propping up the one side of the ladder with cardboard and a rock to keep it level was pretty ingenious. My lovely neighbor commented on my brilliance as he was shaking his head and trying to give me the number of a local house painter. I didn’t fall. The house looks great. And I found a volunteer to paint the back that is two stories instead of one like in the front–I’m not that crazy to get up that high on a ladder!
This past Thursday, I got up and just put on a long t-shirt to clean out the litter boxes before I showered and left for New York. The litter boxes were clean, and the bags of dirty litter sitting ready to go out. My two-second assessment consisted of–the trash container was sitting at the end of the driveway because it was trash day, I was leaving for New York, all the friendly neighborhood was at work, so no one would notice my bra-less adventure to get the trash out to the curb. I decided to put on a pair of shorts, and got to the end of the driveway and threw back the lid of the container, and froze when I heard a truck rumble. The Fed-Ex truck turned up the street and was slowing down to stop right at my driveway. Well…this is interesting! I give the guy credit–he just grinned at me and asked about packages I was expecting. I told him I was waiting for my new bras to show up…tehehe, no I really didn’t. I just smiled and acted normal–with my hair sticking straight up, shoeless, bra-less, and laughing at myself. Big sigh.
I finally bought my first computer earlier this year. There is nothing that makes me feel dumb quicker than technology. I’ve told my web people that I really am not a dumb ass, after I’ve deleted things, asked for the same directions five times, and still find a way to screw things up!
My Grandma selected the Intelligence card for this week, because she turned 91 yesterday! My Grandma is awesomely amazing! She informed me last year now that I’m a minister, that I am not allowed to swear. Straight-faced, I asked her “Well, shit, what in the hell am I supposed to say now?” After a few moments of silence, we both laughed so hard we about peed our pants. I reminded her what she told me when I was little, that I could say what I want as long as I don’t take the Lord’s name in vain. I’m not perfect, I’m human, and sometimes I just need to say it as it is…Thank you for being the wonderful spitfire, sassy grandma that you are–You are a brilliant light in my life!